How does one begin to write the final chapter of their Life, knowing that the last two words, THE END, will be added by someone other than themselves? 

I have escaped the scythe of the Grim Reaper on so many occasions, in previous chapters of my Life, and it would be nice to think I could do it again… however, luck is finite, but death is certain, and in the end, everyone’s number will be called.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not fearful of death. I have been around it most of my Life… from battlefield deaths in Vietnam, murder and suicide in Gallup, gun and machete fights in Honduras, to HIV, AIDS, and COVID in Cambodia. I have watched hundreds of both young and old Souls depart their form, and often was the last hand they held, before letting go. The process of dying is not what concerns me, although not knowing how or when, does at times weigh heavy on my mind.

About regrets, I have a few… but my biggest disappointment in Life is that I have never fully understood it. For example, why does good never overcome evil and vice versa? I can accept the Yin-Yang theory that they balance each other out, however, as one who has fought hard against evil for most of my Life, did I do wrong, for the harder I fought, the more evil I encountered. Should I have done less good so that there would be less evil?

My other disappointment is that I still do not know if we are the only intelligent beings in the Universe. I assume that there are other forms of Life and intelligence but that would mean that almost everything I have been told in Life was a lie. The idea that most of us have been bamboozled by some higher intelligence makes no sense at all to me. What would be the purpose of creating us, if only to be duped into becoming fools?

I am, in my old age, giving up on trying to find answers to Life’s many questions, so that I can devout the remainder of the time I have left, to just earning a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or seeing a smile on someone’s face because of something I have done or said. Perhaps this surrender is, after all, the long sought-after Answer to my quest for finding purpose in my existence. 

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