Celibacy is a subject not often discussed in today’s culture and rarely is it considered an option for young people considering their place in Life… unless of course they are planning to be a Priest, Nun, or Monk… and even then, much to my disappointment, I have discovered that few who choose these professions actually live celibate lifestyles.

What should be obvious, to anyone with a brain, is that the act of having sex with another person is actually destructive to the relationship. No one will tell you this and in fact most people will tell you just the opposite… but all you have to do is look at the damaged people around you.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure the act of sex is very enjoyable at the time it is happening, and it would not be fair of me to suggest to you that I have never fantasized about having sex… but the truth is that I have never allowed myself the pleasure of going all the way with another person, and as a result I have nothing to regret or feel ashamed of… because few relationships that become sexual ever last, and most result in long lasting trauma to the participants.

Of course, when two people come together and mutually decide that they would like to have children, sex can be a beautiful experience. I am not talking about procreative sex however and certainly would not discourage it for those who want to have a family, but I would emphasize that having children must be a mutual decision or else the relationship will eventually fall apart.

Celibacy is a viable alternative lifestyle for anyone who wants it and allows for long lasting relationships without bad endings. Unfortunately, I am well aware of the fact that few young people will take me serious and so I offer these two pieces of advice to men only.

  1. NO WOMAN GETS PREGNANT BY ACCIDENT. If she says it is safe don’t believe her. She wants your baby.
  2. WEAR A CONDOM WHEN HAVING SEX UNTIL YOU ARE READY AND ABLE TO BE A GOOD FATHER. It is the best way to prevent not only getting a girl or your wife pregnant but also from getting and passing on a disease that could ruin your life. For those who are Gay the same advice. If you are sexually active, always carry a condom.

Many will smile and some may even laugh at the old fashion advice I am giving… but believe me, I have seen firsthand what sex can and has done to the lives of people and can assure those who take my advice seriously, that you will not regret it when you are older.

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  1. I can agree with the abstinence part of your thinking although, as you state, not many young men are likely to follow through with it. Your advice to married men however would seem to go against the Biblical command from God to be fruitful and multiply and recommending the use of condoms for unmarried and gay relationships could be interpreted by some as saying that it is okay to participate in behaviors that the Bible finds abominable.

  2. Wayne Dale Matthysse

    Hi John,
    Thanks for the comment… I understand fully where you are coming from and I did take these things into consideration when I wrote this post. As you already know however, I do not view the Bible as the Word of any God and so I no longer try to justify my points with Scripture. As I understand Genesis 1:28 however, it was not a command from God to have children but a blessing to those who mated.

    Regarding Abominable Acts, the Bible list many, and most of us are guilty of breaking at least one or more of them in our lifetime… and some of us much more frequently. Since the Bible does not list them by degree of severity but lumps them all together we can assume that the God of the Bible views all of us as Abominable, which is how I was raised in the Christian Reformed Church. One can accept that, I suppose… but I don’t view myself as an abominable creature and so either God is wrong, the Bible is wrong, or there is no God. Of course I could be wrong as well… but I am willing to bet my life on there being no God… at least not like the God Entity we read about in the Bible.

    My reason for writing was not to say that the act of sex is right or wrong, but to say that it is dangerous and destructive when misused, regardless of the circumstances. One cannot truly Love another person without being physically aroused by them. Unfortunately, many people never advance beyond this stage and so they become one for a moment in time… but eventually the relationships deteriorate, as each tries to regain what they had lost. For those who venture beyond the physical stage however, without becoming one… deep and lasting relationships can be formed, because neither has had to compromise them self for the other.

    The decision of a man and a woman to come together for the purpose of having children is a beautiful thing, as long as both are willing to accept the responsibility of raising the child. If however, either party is not ready to make that commitment, the relationship is likely to fail and one need only to look at the divorce rate for evidence of the trauma broken relationships cause, not only to the partners, but to their offspring as well. For that reason I suggest that a man always use a condom, until he feels ready to be a father. I believe men should take on the responsibility for deciding when and how many children his family should have.

    Sex for pleasure, be it within a marriage relationship, an extra marital relationship, experimental relationship, same sex relationship, or masturbation, is about self-gratification… and so who am I to say that one way is better or worse than the other. We are all sexual beings but with the capability of self control. I have loved many people in my lifetime but have not had sex with any of them. Most of them are still my friends and our relationship, I believe, is more profound because of that.

  3. Did you mean that sex with a condom is ok and it is not as destructive compared to sex without condom? Or sex without condom is not sex and therefore it is ok? I am a bit confused.

  4. Wayne Dale Matthysse

    Hi John,

    The act of sex, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It is a natural response to being aroused and assures the continuation of our species… just as in the rest of the animal kingdom. If your intention each time you are having sex is procreation, then condoms are not necessary. If however, procreation is not your purpose for having sex, then precautions should be taken to insure that you do not create new Life forms, unless you are willing and capable of supporting a child to adulthood.

    I would recommend a life of Celibacy to anyone not interested in creating new Life forms simply because it is less complicated and relationships with others are more profound. I realize however, that not many people will agree with me and that is why I recommend the use of condoms at all times for protection from disease and for the prevention of creating new Life forms that you are not interested in or are not capable of nurturing to adulthood.

  5. Non-casual sex can be beautiful, an important part of a lasting relationship, part of the glue that holds two people together. Physical touch is important to all animals, for growth, for life; without it we surely die. It is not the sex that damages people; it is the gradual loss of holding the other person in great regard, of taking him or her for granted, of no longer paying attention to him or her, of not listening to them, no longer being careful. These are the painful and damaging actions –or non-actions– that destroy a relationship.

  6. Wayne Dale Matthysse

    Thanks Laura,

    I agree that touch is very important, and that would include sex in long term committed relationships between two people, including those who live alternative life styles. Unfortunately, because men are weak, they are often lured into a marriage relationship when their girlfriend “accidently” becomes pregnant. I know that sounds sexist but I think most would agree that this is true in many cases. With the number of birth control methods available on the market today for women, there is no reason for any of them to accidently become pregnant… but they do, and one can only conclude that the reason they do is because they want to. Think of the money that would be saved if every man used a condom instead and he decided when he was ready to take on the responsibility of being a father.

    Honesty in a relationship, especially in regards to having children, is very important if the relationship is to last. Loss of interest in a relationship can often be traced back to that one moment when, in the heat of the night, a young man gives in to his urges, after being assured by his girlfriend that nothing would happen. A man who feels entrapped will usually look for a way out. Had he not given in to his urges or had he worn a condom, the situation would have been avoided and the pregnancy postponed until he was ready for the responsibility.

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