The eruption of accusations by supposed victims of sexual misconduct in the past few weeks is a bit discouraging for me, and I am sure there are many other men who feel the same way. Of course, I am guilty of saying and doing things in the past that would be, by todays standards, considered inappropriate and maybe even dead wrong… but I am not that person anymore. I have learned from my mistakes and strengthened those areas of my life where I was weak. Should one person with a grudge, or the desire for a moment in the spotlight, be allowed to destroy all of that work with only an accusation?

I have also been a victim of sexual advances by several women, who not only touched my thighs but my crouch as well, in the hopes of getting a rise out of me. It worked… but fortunately, because of my vow of celibacy, I was able to stop myself from going much further. Should I now name these women, who tried to steal from me my virginity… to embarrass them and maybe destroy their marriages and the lives they have built with someone else?

The mistakes we make in our youth are often shared experiences that become the foundations on which we mature into adulthood. Unfortunately in some of those experiences people get hurt. Hearts are broken, promises unkept, words get spoken that we later regret… but that is Life, and if the results of these mistakes are a moral and just person, should not all who shared in the experience, rejoice?

I do not condone the evil acts of those who set themselves above others. Certainly if crimes of abuse have been proven, punishment is in order, regardless of when it happened… however there must be discernment in determining the extent of that punishment and consideration made for any positive changes that have occurred in the life of the perpetrator.

In my era, ‘to kiss and tell’ was something you did not do… but now that seems no longer the case. Humankind is evolving and with it will come new rules for the way we relate to each other. If things continue as they are, Consent Forms will have to be signed and notarized prior to the first kiss, age will have to be verified and parental permission obtained in writing for anyone under the legal age, and written agreements will need to be made between the two individuals, designating how far each can go while making out. Doesn’t sound all that exciting, but than… I most likely won’t have to worry about it any more anyway.

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  1. Hi Wayne, kiss and tell refers to two consenting people who don’t keep their private acts private. It is VERY different than having something done to you against your will.
    I’m very happy when people learn, grow, apologize and take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately the law might not take this into consideration. Not sure about that. It may just be that transgressors have to pay the penalty even if they’ve changed.

  2. Wayne Dale Matthysse

    Thanks for your comment Wendy, I totally agree with you. Anytime a person of wealth, influence, or superior strength takes advantage of someone weaker, it is wrong… although not necessarily illegal. However, is it not also wrong for the weaker subject to enter in to a situation, with a superior subject, for the express purpose of personal gain, be it a wage increase, a role or better position in a company, or in the hopes of entrapping a man by becoming pregnant. Some, but not all, of the cases coming out today are stories from women who had hoped to get something from their relationship with a man. The man went on to become successful and they were left in the dust of disappointment. Now, many years later, they find a chance to get even.

    If a woman accepts an invitation into a man’s room and he begins to undress or use vulgar language, unless the door was locked or she was drugged, she needs to leave immediately. No laws have been broken and she has only made a bad decision. If she stays in the room with the idea that perhaps if she allows the man to do his thing she will still get something from him… than she is giving her consent and should not complain about it at a later date. All I am saying is that there needs to be more equity in how we judge each other. Many times guilt needs to be shared.

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