I have been asked to “return to the fold” by several of my Christian friends because they are concerned for my spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When I respond that I feel better today than I have felt in years they tell me that my feelings are only and illusion. I could not know real Joy except through the Holy Spirit, and to know the Holy Spirit I would first of all need to believe in God again and then rededicate my life to Jesus, and only then could I experience real Joy.
I smile and thank them for their concern but inside I pity them for their ignorance, for I have Loved and been Loved by so many people in my lifetime. I awake Joyously at 5:30 every most mornings to be met by several children waiting to walk me to the kitchen. I have and am surrounded by Peace. I am so Forbearing that I can count on my hands the number of times I have lost my temper, and on one hand I am missing a finger. My Kindness and Goodness is known by every urchin in Cambodia and I can still put a crying baby to sleep in minutes by Gentle rhythmic patting on the back. As for Self-control… well I don’t talk about it much but I am the only celibate person I have ever known that has never had sex. So what am I missing, since these are all supposedly the Fruits of the Holy Spirit?
I heard that… and you are not the first, by any means, to call me “self-righteous”. Sorry, I didn’t catch the other adjectives you threw in there but it doesn’t really matter… I have heard them all before. I totally understand your feelings but could it be that what you see as self-righteousness in me is actually nothing more than my self-confidence? Could that be why you find me so irritating?
I have spent a lifetime searching for answers to the questions I have had of Life… only to realize that when I stop asking the questions, I no longer need to search for answers. Life is made up of Moments, Now is all we have. Enjoy your Life and praise your God, it doesn’t bother me at all, if that is where you find your Joy… but let me be at Peace in my world and let my Joy entwine with yours, that we may all Rejoice in this beautiful experience called Life.